she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
