I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
