dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize