There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
