Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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