Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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