i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
