he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
