the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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