I love black thongs
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
