I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Someone came in the potted fern
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
