All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize