At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
