my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
