Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
