Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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