I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
