i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
