I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
