I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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