my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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