I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
