just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
