So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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