i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
