I wish you could order shots online.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
