On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
should my penis look like a turkey
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
