Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
