I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
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