People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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