i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
