Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
