Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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