you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize