I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
