looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
