THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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