i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
