why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
