we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
