Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
