We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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