on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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