His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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