ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
either way he was missing a nipple.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
