Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
