I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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