I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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