i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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