I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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