Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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