I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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