I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
