Got a toothbrush?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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