i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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