My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
