Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
