why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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