So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
ok first of all what the fuck
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize