You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
