Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
