went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
