I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
