I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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