you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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